The Worst Feeling in the World

What's the worst feeling in the world? I used to think it was failure. I don't like to admit this, but back in Elementary School, I would involuntarily tear up if I raised my hand to answer a question and got it wrong. I HATE failing publicly. I'm often uncomfortable running into people I knew when I was younger because I don't like explaining that I've not been able to finish school. I don't like playing sports that I'm not good at because I don't want to strike out in front of everyone.

But you know, I've failed at A LOT of things: Tests, classes, relationships, job interviews, you name it. And I've learned that failure is just a chance to try to do things better, or to try something completely new. So failure, while uncomfortable, is not the worst feeling in the world. I'd have to give that title to Betrayal.

Full Disclosure: I was betrayed by someone very close to me recently. And what hurt the most was not the act but the level of deceit and the absolute hypocrisy of claiming to be one thing while all the wile being another. It's a horrible thing to find out that you've been lied to not once, but over a period of time. What's worse is, even though I know everything and the other person knows that I know everything, they wont just come clean. Even when faced with overwhelming evidence. So, while I can forgive the actual act of betrayal, it never ends because everyday I have to wake up and forgive the continued lies.

Whoever came up with the "knife in the back" metaphor for betrayal was a wise person. When someone violates relationship with you in such a way 1) you're caught totally unawares 2) you feel like you're dying 3) the knife is in your back so you can't reach it to pull it out yourself. Only the person inflicting the damage can make it right. It's crushing; even me, who is usually a pretty stoic person, find it impossible to just pretend everything is peachy.

My one consolation: This too shall pass. Betrayal is one of the many wrongs Jesus was subjected to by the people he loved most. And, though his betrayal was so much deeper than mine, at the end of the day he was still able to pray for the very people and say "Father, forgive them." He loved them enough to lay aside his grief.

One of the Psalms deals with this very topic:
For it was not an enemy that reproached me; then I could have borne it: neither was it he that hated me that did magnify himself against me; then I would have hid myself from him:  But it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance.
 We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company. 
Psalm 55:12-14

In the end, the solution the Psalmist offers is one that is very simple and very difficult;
Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.
Psalm 55:22

The truth is, there is only one person we can 100% trust with our hearts and know that we will not be betrayed, and that is God. Everyone else will hurt us at some point... they may not admit it.. and they may not be sorry. But, if we find the grace to forgive them as Jesus forgave us then we have a promise that we will  be sustained.

YOUR TURN:
What do you think the worst feeling in the world is? Why?